why
am
i?

no wisdom,
idiot.

no meaning,
meaningless.

no love,
loveless.

a hole in the world
where i might have been
am i.

i'll
not
say
"if only,"
nor
ask
"why me?"

only
i
know

why
i
cry.

now,
deny
all
this.

deny
me.

Things will change 
              so they can stay the same.

i, on the other hand,
               holding on for dear life,
               refuse to exhale for fear my next breath will be my last.

"Don't do it again!" pain says.
"Ok," i say "but can you never speak gently to me?"
And i do it again, 
               and again 
               and again.

How green is Love?
Its roots are deep in the Real,
              deep enough to be real,
              in spite of
              love.

i, idiot
love.

Maybe,
i'm in good company.

If i love in hope of any return,
            i'm a thief.

i, idiot
love
a clear blue sky

in the eye
of a storm.

{this painting is my original work.}

Maybe you know the children's book "Are You my Mama?" A hatchling goes looking, asking everyone and everything "are you my mama?" until s/he finds his/her mama.

The term religion is derived from latin words denoting "to reconnect" or "to fasten again," but the connotation is that our finite nature is insufficient in some way. With this connotation it's easy to see why some people close themselves off to religion.

In some ways, it seems an absurd idea, we are within infinity, one with infinity, but we sense that we are finite, limited, separated... what's that about? What is disconnected? What are we disconnected from so we feel the need, unlike any other creature in the creation to create - to recreate what is apparently already there???

We so often hear that homo sapiens sapiens are the first creature that "knows," and the first creature "that knows that they know" (b.t.w., it's only homo sapiens sapiens saying this about themselves. So, who's to judge?). Maybe, we're the first creature not to know that we don't know.

What is this longing? And why does religion look so much like show-biz?

I'm going all around the world to say i don't know. There's a need we feel, like a longing for a lost loved one... but why am I wasting your time? Go, and reconnect. In every moment, reconnect, in the market place, in a green field, in a burned down forest, in the sunshine, in the rain, in the eye of the storm, everywhere. Smile. Laugh. Cry. Live and die. Reconnect.

Create. Recreate.

Then, undo it all. And never settle on anything. Because if you do, you'll stop growing, and that's a fate worse than death. And, for some unknowable reason, life seems worthless unless, along with the joy, we know the gnawing anguish of separation.

It's not all joy, and it never will be. There is no pie in the sky, and we can't live on candy bars and Big Macs just cuz that's all we like to eat!

Maybe my religion would look like a new universe. That is, if the Universe says "yes." 
Maybe it would look like nothing, nowhere. That is, if the Universe says "no."

Consciousness, the etheric wind blows us, fills our sails.
We ride a tradewind,
or, we tack back and forth upwind
like salmon with an urge to change everything completely and suddenly!

We go from the river to the sea,
and from the sea, back to where we were born, still giving it absolutely everything we've got.

And when we get there, we finally spend ourselves. At last, we spend ourselves.

This is sunyas, giving yourself up,
and back to yourself.

This is acceptance.
This is letting go.
This is Love.
This is 1.

Bright voice in silence,
a Cardinal accepts my alms.
She gives me much more.

Black soot on my tongue,
Kali's kiss brings it to life.
Fields ripen with gems.

A braided wind streams
by the leeward side of home,
rounding off corners.

The trees patiently
await the time they can grow
on this stolen land.

Truth is too thorny
for light-hearted company
who avoid Love's barbs.

But if Truth be told,
the beauty of disaster
is in redemption.

I don't have courage
to give this ego back yet.
A cage comforts me. 

Trees reaching Sunward
grow toward the Source of life,
not toward a goal.

And reaching Earthward
they feel Her firm, holding strength,
more than enough strength.

In this Life process,
they create enough beauty
to share some with us.

I have never known,
but i have believed in dreams
that mount on light wings,

moving toward Love,
barely closer to the Source,
but to more avail.

Quite a frugal meal
because I have never known,
but I move toward.

A few ripe berries,
several small golden apples
a few tomatoes,

these are all i have
been able to bring with me
to the small table.

But they taste so sweet
when i know what was needed
for them to grow here.

This is what i know,
and this is what i believe,
dreams mount wings of light.

Why am i so sad,
dark-chocolate bittersweet,
tender and thorny?

Within this square frame,
this window-paned appendage
i can see me through,

the glass is so clear,
only some dust or raindrops
make it visible.

And since tears of joy
shed by the weeping blue sky
stream in through the breech

the way might be clear
for me to leap out through it,
setting light a flight.

I feel the longing,
skyclad, believing in Love
to begin again.

It will not be now.
If not now, yet it will be.
i will not be sad.

Maybe the time is ripe to speak the unspoken.
The word "revolution" is thrown around lightly,
e.g., "the low-carb revolution," "the 'green' revolution."
Advertising and rhetorical campaigns use the term to hide agendas.
But this is revolution, cultural, counter-cultural, the killing of empire, and it means death.

An immeasurable amount of quiet death lies in wait of this human way.

Take back your time in the name of Truth.
Take back this Earth in the name of Peace.
Grow yourSelf in the name of Love.

Refuse Fear.

This is war without any front anywhere,
all front, everywhere.

You know, Captian America, Superman, Europa... you, The Most Powerful Man in the Free World... you know what I'm talking about, and there is nothing you can do about it.

There is nothing you will do about it.
Because you know the Truth will set you free, and you want to be free.

Of course, you know it will also bring you down, like the resonant frequency held within the light winds of the Tacoma Narrows gently forced the Tacoma Narrows Bridge into harmony by tearing it to pieces.

In spite of your hardest reinforcements, your heart is in sympathy with the light wind carrying Truth, and it will tear you to pieces.

Your technology will drag you down, and the harder you become, the more brittle you will be.

The criminal insanity and the terror you enshrine and worship, that idol's days are numbered.  Its time is borrowed.